Sometimes I feel like giving up

I've been feeling like shit for the past couple of days.

The past week I've gotten a break from school, which was appreciated after a week of midterm hell. However, this break also meant that I had a week of doing basically nothing*. Doing nothing sounds like a lot of fun, but indolence always manages to bring out the mental anxiety gnomes that that keep whispering about all the new things I should worry about. And thus I spent all of Reading Week worrying about the future, whether I did well on my midterms, and whether my GPA is total crap or not.

Today, I got one of my midterm marks back. By all objective measures it's a very good mark and I should be happy. But I can't help being disappointed because I thought I did better. I just feel so stupid and I keep wondering if maybe I totally screwed up on my other midterms. Maybe I'm not half as intelligent as I think I am. And maybe I should just quit now and find a job where I can come in, do my work as a good automaton, and go home to drown my sorrows in crappy reality teevee.

Sigh. Is this the sucky undergrad version of teenage angst?


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*Going to work doesn't count because it's been a hell of a lot less taxing than school lately.

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Variegated Rose

Variegated Rose, originally uploaded by aplysia_06.

Happy Valentines Day! And Happy Reading Week for anyone at UofT.

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Mmm...Cake

Mmm...Cake, originally uploaded by aplysia_06.

One more midterm...Maybe I need cake tomorrow to celebrate.

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Picture post of a post

Post
Originally uploaded by aplysia_06

More photos from the summer to remind me how much I miss sun, warmth, and lack of midterms.

I'm done my first midterm, and I'm pretty sure I aced it (fuck yeah physiology!). Now I have to continue studying for my neuroanatomy midterm by trying to remember the over nine thousand nuclei in the brainstem. This makes me sad enough that I might just take a nap and ignore it for a few hours.

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Butterfly on orange

Butterfly on orange
Originally uploaded by aplysia_06

I'm pretty busy with midterms this week so I'm unlikely to have time to post. And even if I did, I'd likely have nothing to post about except how terrible it is to memorize crap for neuroanatomy (fuck you magical sulci that I still cannot figure out on a real brain) or how my diet has become nothing but chocolate raisins and gummy worms. Instead of making you suffer my whining, I'll post photos I took over the summer when I had no tests to worry about.

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Carrot Loves You, Yeah!

I got tagged by Eugenie!

The Rulez:
a) Put your MP3 player, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle
b) For each question, press the next button to get your answer
c) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
d) Tag at least 5 people
e) Everyone tagged has to do the same thing
f) Have Fun!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
"Does He Love You?" (Rilo Kiley)
I'm a bitch like that...

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
"After, In the Dark" (Yoko Kanno)
Sure I'll describe myself...After in the dark naked

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Almost Crimes" (Broken Social Scene)
At least I don't go for people with actual crimes, right?

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"Friends Will Be Friends" (Queen)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"When the War Came" (The Decemberists)

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
"You're the Reason I'm Leaving" (Franz Ferdinand)
Blame everything on others: best strategy ever or bestest strategy ever?

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"For the Price of a Cup Tea" (Belle & Sebastian)

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"60 Revolutions" (Gogol Bordello)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"I Slept with Bonhomme at the CBC" (Broken Social Scene)
This is a stuff of nightmares. In case you have no clue, here's a Google image search of Bonhomme

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
"Sunshine" (Regina Spektor)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"Good Day Sunshine" (The Beatles)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Kesenai Tsumi/Inerasable Sin" (Nana Kitade)
A bit harsh ;_;

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Natalie and Effie in the Park" (Of Montreal)

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Pancakes for One" (Of Montreal)

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Ghost City" (Kenji Kawai)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Thoughts of a Dying Atheist" (Muse)
This is somehow magically appropriate

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Interception" (Kenji Kawai)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
"Pierrot the Clown" (Placebo)
Clowns are scary. Mmmkay.

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"In My Room" - The Last of the Shadow Puppets

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
"Dreaming Man" - Neko Case

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Falling Through Your Clothes" (The New Pornographers)


22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Carrot Loves You, Yeah!" (Megumi Nakajima)

I'm not going to be able to pull off 5 tag, but Pyth and Caz better give this meme a go.

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*sigh*

Dear D. melanogaster,

I really do like you. You`re a pretty cool model organism. You mutate and you don`t afraid of anything. However, it would be really nice if you were bigger. I`m not talking Godzilla-size bigger. Something along the lines of a small rat or a mouse would be nice. Your distant cousin the Coconut Crab can get pretty large (see below) so it isn`t as though it`s impossible, you just need to try harder.

Love,
That biology undergraduate student whose eyes hurt after two hours attempting to count antenna duplications

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Lazy evening is lazy

I'm cold, I can't stop shivering, and I don't feel like I can manage anything remotely approaching productive studying for next week's midterms. Instead of even trying, I've decided that I'll just curl up in bed with a metric shit-tonne of blankets and catch up on the Blu-ray releases of Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam. I forsee a lazy evening of tea, warmth, and PEW PEW LASERS.

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Happiness is...

...most definitely not waking up to discover an empty bottle of vodka, a half empty bottle of rum, and that strange feeling that you're still not quite sober at noon*. Despite this *minor* set back in my Sunday, I managed to be quite productive when I sobered up at 3 pm. I found a $25 gift certificate for a clothing store in last weeks mail and hatched a plan to buy some new jeans and get myself into the gym for the first time in a month**.

As you can guess from the photo above I was successful on the jeans front. I also managed a full hour on the elliptical***.



* I need friends who don't encourage silly drinking games.
** I also need to stop making silly excuses for why I'm too tired or busy.
*** As a completely off topic question: Can someone explain how people manage to walk/run and read? It would be super useful, but every time I've tried I get motion sick.

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