Wednesday, April 8, 2009

In which I serve up some TMI


Anyone who has an aversion to discussion of feminine hygiene can skip this post.

This month I managed to quit tampons and pad. No I haven't gone into very, very early menopause or decided that free bleeding is a great idea. What I did was finally give into my curiosity of menstrual cups. I'm sure you're all intelligent enough to pick up on the environmental benefits and supposedly there are health benefits (via reduced chances of TSS). Whatever, the real thing the convinced me was the idea that I wouldn't have to be running to the bathroom every 4-6 hours to change products.

I bought my Diva Cup a couple of weeks before my period to do a "dry run". This was an interesting experience in alternating anxiety and relief:

  1. Remembering the good old days on LJ, I find a community dedicated to menstrual cups where I read up on how to put the goddamn thing up my vagina. Apparently there are about 50 million ways to fold the thing so it fits in. and apparently everyone has a favourite.
  2. After trying a couple of folds, I'm not getting them to open up in my vagina (anxiety, maybe I suck at this or my vagina is sentient being all of its own that dislikes my environmentally friendly menstrual product).
  3. Success! I felt it "pop" open and twisted it around to confirm (relief).
  4. Next comes the removal and a fuck-tonne of anxiety. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET THE FUCKER OUT?!?!?! The thing is now basically suctioned to my vaginal walls and doesn't want to let go. FUCK!
  5. Okay I just need to calm down. If worse comes to worst, and I need to get it removed at least I didn't stick something embarrassing up there like a pickle or a dildo on a power tool.
  6. After waiting 30 minutes, I manged to relax and make another attempt to rescue the silicone cup from the jaws of my rabid sexual plumbing. It is successful and I can now relax until my next attempt to repeat steps 1 through 6.

Having now also tried it while on my periods, I'm fucking sold. Even on my heaviest day, I manged to go 12 hours between changes and aside from the incident where I dropped a cupful on my bathroom floor (if I ever need to stage a miniature massacre, I now know what to do) I had no leaks - a huge change from the usual.


Anonymous said...

you are a trip! I'm so glad you got yourself some hot shoes, you deserve them for that undertaking. I don't have the hutzpah to try them, and thankfully, there's only a few more years left of this womanly monthly crap.

estraven said...

good for you! after childbirth the cup didn't hold 12 hours anymore and even at the 6 hours mark minor leaks occurred - but it still beats everything else.
Secret whisper to more mature ladies: I got myself the awesome IUD with hormones. No side effects (the pill gave me monster headaches) and no period.